My Vacation Reflection
A few months after these blessed revelations I received from 
/
/ 
/YHWH (“Yahuwah/Yahuah/Yehovah/Yahuweh/Yahweh”) Elohim, at the end of 2012, I went back to China for vacation. I wished I should not have done that, for by then, I still didn’t grow strong in Messiah 
/
/ 
/ 
/ 
(“Yahushua/Y’shua/Yeshua/Jesus”). I just finished reading the Bible once and was in the process of reading it the second time. I didn’t get deeply rooted in His Word. I didn’t put on the full armor of Elohim (as described in Ephesians 6:12-18) to protect myself from the temptation of the devil, the world, and myself.
Therefore during my stay in China, I thought of my past hurts and wounds from my husband who I had forgiven and I dwelt upon the unpleasant time I lived with him even after I returned to him. Thinking of all the negativity in my marriage, I decided to leave my husband one day soon after I got back to the US.
Back To Work
After I came back from my trip, I started my own business in Spring 2013. The business was very successful. I got so busy. Therefore even though I always had Elohim in my life and in my mind, I started spending less time with Him. I only prayed a few minutes prayer a day, as if performing my religious duty. I started paying a lot more of my attention to my business. At the same time, my marriage situation went downhill.
My Dream Revelation – I Saw the Face of Messiah
In June 2013, I had a very blessed dream in which I saw the face of the Messiah . In this dream, I experienced His love, His power, His judgment, His mercy, and grace! His facial expressions were stern. He was looking at me with expressions warning me that “Don’t make the wrong choice!” But in my dream, I did make the wrong choice, so I saw His sad disappointing look after my choice was made by refusing an offer that I didn’t know was coming from Him. He looked very different in my dream from the messiah image that the world promotes. He confirmed His presence with a few drops of fresh blood on the ticket he reserved for me. It was an amazing dream, an amazing presence of His love and guidance for me! HalleluYah!
For more detailed information about this dream revelation, please Click Here
My Current Interpretation For the Dream
But I didn’t truly understand the dream then. I knew it was a warning, a warning for me to cherish my precious salvation ticket, which Master had paid with His precious blood to redeem me from the hand of the devil completely. I cherished that and would cherish that all the time, though I didn’t know why I was given this warning in my dream then. But after this dream, I did become more aware of my relationship with Elohim. I tried to produce spiritual fruits at work. In my heart, I did seek to do Elohim’s will first.
I didn’t understand the dream Master Messiah had given me was a warning for the things happening at that time of my life and for the things to come shortly after that. Through recalling the details of my life then and in the following years, I could really understand better the dream given by Messiah previously. I understood it was a warning for me then, to shift my focus from the love of the world to the kingdom of heaven, and a warning for me to cherish my salvation ticket and my relationship with Elohim with all my being, getting hold of eternal life so that I could avoid the big storm coming afterward.
This dream revelation was to me like a warning in Noah’s time from Elohim to the world, “Repent, for the flood was coming.”, and it was also like the warning from Elohim in the New Testament/Covenant to all, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near.” The only way to avoid that storm was to Repent and Deny myself, Get on the Ark – follow Messiah and abide in Him – Get hold of Him, the Eternal Life – by the total commitment and complete obedience, for He is Noah’s Ark – the Ark of Salvation to us, and He is the Passover Lamb, the atoning offering for our sins. And He is our Only Salvation, our Only Saviour, our shelter and refuge. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, no one can come to the Father except through Him. He is the Savior of the world!
I now really realize how much Elohim cares about me and loves me, for Master came to my dream to warn me to get on to the Ark ASAP. But unfortunately, I rejected that in my dream which was also the case in reality at first. But thanks to the mercy and love of Elohim, I got back to the Ark eventually, after I went through a big storm in my life, which was so much like the part in the dream that after I was being kept in the prison with criminals, I suddenly remembered Elohim and Messiah , then I repented of my previous sin of rejecting the salvation ticket, and right after that, I got delivered by Elohim.
The Storm Came
Unfortunately, my carnal mind didn’t understand that dream then for I didn’t search His Word, didn’t spend time with Him, and strengthen my relationship with Him, so shortly after that, I was swept away by a big life storm through my marriage and my business.
There you go, I lost sight of the Kingdom of Heaven by focusing on building my earthly kingdom – focusing on my earthly business 90% of my time during 2013-2015. I became the type 2 and type 3 Receiver of the Seed of the Word of the Kingdom without realizing it. (Matthew 13:20-22) All my sufferings during this time were mainly because I wasn’t deeply rooted in Elohim and His Word, not spending time strengthening our relationship and I didn’t deny myself, didn’t submit to Elohim without any reservations by my actions.
In the fall of 2013, I did fall badly on my spiritual path. I followed some believers’ online sermons about “Adulterous Marriage” based on their understanding of the Scriptures of Matthew 5:32, Mark 10:11-12, Luke 16:18… etc.), which made me believe that my marriage with my husband was adulterous and true repentance was to divorce him.
I did a lot of research about what was an “Adulterous Marriage”. I got so confused until I talked to the brother who gave the online sermon, and he told me that he believed that my husband and his ex-wife were still a married couple according to the Law/Torah, which meant that my marriage with my husband was adulterous.
Though I was not absolutely sure in my spirit that if my marriage with my husband was adulterous spiritually, I left and divorced my husband after I got the supportive confirmation from the brother who preached about “Adulterous Marriage.” My actual intention was not pure, which I meant pure for the sake of Love Elohim and being obedient to Elohim’s Commands. For actually 80% of the reasons why I divorced my husband was spiritual. But 20% of them were my selfish reasons. I was and am not perfect. I try to walk like Messiah to the best of my capabilities, but I do fall much short. I was caught up with the unhappy things in my marriage, with the faults of my husband especially the fact that he was so occupied with his job and his passions and desires while neglecting and ignoring my needs and wants. Of course, I did appreciate the fact that he was a very hard-working husband who provided food and shelter for me, but that was not the reason I married him. What I was seeking was a true relationship with him, like a true covenant relationship that a normal Christian husband and wife should have, the oneness in marriage – Love Elohim first, Love each other, and serve Elohim together. But unfortunately, I couldn’t have that in my marriage, no matter how hard I tried. Therefore I sought a way out. Hopefully, I could have a true covenant relationship with my future husband.
(Now I understand that only a husband and a wife who really love Elohim and put Him first will love each other selflessly. And it actually is Elohim who loves them through them. For no one can love us as Elohim loves us. (John 3:16) Therefore, I encourage everyone, who seeks love from men, to seek Elohim, for He is Love. No one else and nothing else can fill the empty places in our hearts but Elohim the Most High. Everyone in the world likes to be loved. Man’s love can fail us, for man is not perfect and is not the source of love. But the love of Elohim will never fail us for He is love and source of love. And his love is everlasting and unconditional. The one who truly loves and puts Him first in his or her life will truly love you. For it is Elohim and Messiah who loves you through him or her. Seek and find Elohim and Master the Messiah and know Him and He will send you the one that has Elohim and Messiah as his or her King to rule his or her life, you will be truly satisfied. This is my advice based on my love-pursuit experiences in life. I believe this is truly a blessing, for I have learned this lesson a hard way.)
Running away from the unpleasant things, hurtful people, and painful relationships in my life had always been my way of protecting myself and comforting myself until I became a true believer. After I became a committed believer, I tried my best to do the will of Elohim instead of my own will, for Messiah said to his disciples that “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Matthew 16:24-26, NKJV) “And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.” (Matthew 10:38, NKJV)
Denying myself, taking up the Stake/Cross to follow Messiah – Forsaking my own will, doing the will of Elohim. Keeping this commandment of Elohim is the most difficult for me. My flesh fought and has been fighting against this constantly. But I should not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For I have been crucified with Messiah , and it is not me who live but Messiah lives in me. I became a child of Elohim on the day of my deliverance.
“There is, then, now no condemnation to those who are in Messiah , who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.” (Romans 8:1, The Scriptures, ISR)
That was why I stayed in my marriage for years or else I would have left and never come back if I only followed my will. If I followed my own will, I would have never gotten married again after my first marriage ended. But it was not about my will anymore. Let the will of Elohim be done in my life, in every area of my life including my marriage. For I have made commitments to Elohim. It is not about me and my life anymore. It is about Elohim. It is about Messiah . It is All about Him! For He loved me the best and the most!
I love Elohim, so I love to keep His commands, and I loved my husband also. But staying with him really brought torments to my soul. So in the fall of 2013, I left my husband. I was very sad during those dark days of my life. In those days, I felt as if I was captured by the devil and he bound me tight with the shackles, for spiritually I could feel I had no freedom, and I was being controlled by the evil force which robbed me of my peace and freedom so I had no way to turn but stuck in the horrible storm waiting for deliverance. Unbearable sadness, tears, and pain was my companion with me. I was lost like a sheep without a shepherd.
(My experience in those days was really like the part of my previous dream described -I was captured and thrown into the prison with so many sinners who I could see demons in them.)
I desired peace, for I had no peace. And I believe peace in my soul was the sign of approval from Elohim, so I searched the Scriptures daily trying to find out if my marriage with my husband was truly adulterous or not. I prayed daily to Elohim for His guidance for me in the direction of my marriage relationship storm. I cried out to Elohim to ask Him to deliver me from this horrible situation.
At that time, I also started a relationship with a wonderful Christian man, which I should not have done either. But I didn’t know better. I felt tormented spiritually in that relationship also, for I was not sure if I should be in a relationship with other men. But after I received a divine dream from Elohim about that relationship. Elohim revealed to me through a dream that my relationship with that man was a stumbling block, and I had to leave him and be deported right away from where we were. After receiving that dream, at the end of March 2014, the wonderful Christian man and I said farewell, for he was led to agree with me that our relationship was not acceptable before Elohim and it was adulterous.
My Reconciliation with My Husband
Afterward, I wanted to go back to Canada, but my husband wanted me to go back to live with him and he told me he loved me and he truly repented and would put all in which meant to me that he would trust Elohim and trust me as his wife. Then I realized that deeper in my husband’s heart, he did love me. I came back to him at the beginning of April 2014, but as a roommate initially for I hadn’t gotten a confirmation from Elohim regarding whether my marriage with him was adulterous or not. On the Day of Passover 2014, I suddenly felt great peace which I lost for a long time, which happened when my husband prayed for me.
During the time of my separation and divorce from my husband, my life was full of turmoil without any peace, but after I came back to my husband, suddenly peace came back. Therefore, I believe it was Elohim’s will for me to reconcile with my husband for he was my true husband. Therefore I reconciled and remarried my husband according to Man’s law almost at the end of 2014.
After the restoration of our marriage, I started appreciating my husband and the things in our lives, instead of finding his faults, finding dirt in him, I found gold in him. This was a turning point in my marriage with him. I saw life with gratitude. Gratitude opens up the door of blessing.
Elohim is My Shepherd – He is a Good Shepherd – He Never Gives Me Up
is a good Shepherd. I was one of the Lost Sheep who had gone astray. But He went out searching for me and brought me back. It was just like what He said “What do you think about this? A man has one hundred sheep and one of them is lost. Will he not leave the ninety-nine and go to the mountains to look for that one lost sheep? If he finds it, for sure, I tell you, he will have more joy over that one, than over the ninety-nine that were not lost. I tell you, My Father in heaven does not want one of these little children to be lost.”(Matthew 18:12-14, NLV) “For thus said the Master , “ See, I Myself shall search for My sheep and seek them out. As a shepherd seeks out his flock on the day he is among his scattered sheep, so I shall seek out My sheep and deliver them from all the places where they were scattered in a day of cloud, dense cloud. And I shall bring them out from the peoples and gather them from the lands, and shall bring them to their own land. And I shall feed them on the mountains of Yisra’el, in the valleys, and in all the dwellings of the land. In good pasture I shall feed them, and their fold shall be on the high mountains of Yisra’el. They shall lie there in a good fold and feed in rich pasture on the mountains of Yisra’el. I shall feed My flock and make them lie down,” declares the Master . I shall seek out the lost and bring back the strayed. And I shall bind up the broken and strengthen what was sick, but the fat and the strong I shall destroy, I shall feed them with Right-Ruling.” (Ezekiel 34:11-16, Halleluyah Scriptures, HS)
Yes, Elohim did come to me in my dream warning me – “a lost sheep” and guiding me so many times and bringing me back. I am so touched in my heart and soul. Words can’t describe how much appreciation I have for Him! HalleluYah!
“ is my shepherd; I shall not lack. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul; he leads me in the paths of righteousness for his Name’s sake. When I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil: for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You spread a table before me in the face of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of forever.” (Psalm 23)
—- To be Continued in Part 8 —-
Click Here to go back to Part 1
Notes and Bibliography
The Scripture verses in this article are from the following:
- HalleluYah Scriptures (HS)
- The Scriptures, ISR
- New King James Version (NKJV)
Hebrew Fonts Resources: www.ancient-hebrew.org
